Getting past the fear (Remembering Joshua) 2010

It was March 25,2009. My wife, Sara, and I had so many plans for our family with a new baby. That all came crashing in when our son, Joshua, died in my arms. I had hopes and dreams about our son, never dreaming that we would lose him so quickly. In the days that followed, we found a peace that we could not explain, but that knowing God's plans were being revealed and that we must trust in Him as we walked through this dark valley. God revealed many things to us by His Word and the Holy Spirit that dwells in our hearts as believers in the following days and months. We believe Joshua is at rest in heaven, and someday I will join him in the presence of God.

Even with this peace from God, when we found out that the Lord had blessed us with another baby on the way, we were overjoyed, yet conflicted. We felt joy mingled with fear at the news. Surely in the time that has passed since losing our precious son,we have learned to lean on God's strength through times like these. Now standing here, almost a year later, February 8, 2010, I found myself again at Sara's side as she prepared to deliver our son, Samuel. It all came rushing back to me,
the fear, the anxiety, the sorrow, and then at last... peace. I have found that times of greatest need is when you find out what you really believe in.

Though there was no notable threat to Sara's life or to Samuel, I dropped to my knees by that hospital bed. When we lost Joshua, I asked myself (and God) how I would survive. And now, standing by that hospital bed, the thought would not leave my mind. What if I lost my wife whom I love so much? What if we lost another child, either during birth or in the days to come? This is what brought me to my knees. I cried out to God at that moment, in praise to Him for giving me a wife, and all my children, even those that have gone to His presence before me. I renewed my promise to go wherever He leads, and trust Him for provision and strength to do whatever task He sends me to do.

As we look forward to where He leads our family in ministry in the coming months, we know that with God's leading, we will never be led down the wrong path. God's loving hand will hold us tight in the storms, we know that from experience. When Samuel was born, alive and healthy, I again dropped to my knees by the bed and praised God. I am reminded of the words that my friend read to me from the Bible the night Joshua passed into eternity, from the story of Job as he heard of the loss of his family and most of his earthly possessions.

"Another [servant] also came and said, “Your sons and your daughters were eating and drinking wine in their oldest brother’s house, and behold, a great wind came from across the wilderness and struck the four corners of the house, and it fell on the young people and they died, and I alone have escaped to tell you.”

Then Job arose and tore his robe and shaved his head, and he 

fell to the 

ground and worshiped. He said,

'Naked I came from my mother’s womb, 

And naked I shall return there. 

The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away. 

Blessed be the name of the LORD.' 

Through all this Job did not sin nor did he blame God."

~ Job 1:18-22 NASB ~
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