I have often said in regard to marriage that "Divorce is only an option IF you consider it as an option." The point is that when we struggle with marriage, those of us who consider marriage as a sacred institution that is ended only in death never consider divorce among the options. I believe this is the Bibles teaching on marriage.
I have been up for a few hours thinking tonight about seizures, disability, the high cost of health care, and all the tests I have upcoming. I am not sure whether or not the tests prescribed (which will cost thousands) are covered by our insurance. I have to ask a lot more questions to be sure we are using our resources wisely. The test I am scheduled to have next month was never an option just a few years ago. While we want to know what is going on with my body, there is no certainty that the tests will reveal anything, nor if what they show will help me get better. That was the beginning of my thoughts at 2am.
The next thing I considered is, to most people, the logical option. Will I be "disabled" for the long term as I was years ago? Will I qualify for Social Security Disability or through my work insurance? As I considered these issues and the financial and other ramifications of this issue, I began to think more seriously about whether or not I am willing to accept a diagnosis of "disability" or being "unable to work"? I am not so sure I am willing to quit so easily.
In the human mind, created by the Almighty God who rules and reigns over all Creation, we react to stimuli, we process sight and sound, feelings, taste, and much of this is processed through the lens of past experiences, knowledge given to us through science, and of most importance the truths of God's Word found in the Holy Bible.
In God's Word we find people with ailments, many that seem to leave many men incapable of providing for their families and engaging in work that glorifies and honors the Lord. Many times, we see these men healed. Other times it seems they are left to endure with patience and grace those afflictions that God graciously puts in our lives to conform us into the image of Christ Jesus our Savior and Lord.
Tonight, I have begun to fight back, at least mentally. I have refused to quit fighting to find a cause, a cure, or at least a means to thrive in my walk with the Lord despite difficult circumstances. I have had to give up my right to drive a car. I have no option to return to my job until cleared by my doctor. However, I have not been restrained from engaging in profitable endeavors.
Whether God uses this situation to bring glory to Himself through opening a door for me to return to my job, to find a new means to provide for our family, or whatever else may come, I will not give up, I will not quit. I will use the time and resources that God gave me for His glory. Whether that be through working from home in whatever way I am able or beginning a business where my family works with me to produce a product, whether I sell, trade, or labor with my hands, I am sure God's will for me is not to sit back and relax, hoping Uncle Sam will take care of my needs. This is not to speak ill of those who are on disability, many surely need such things and are also using their limited abilities to honor the Lord.
For me, this is about being content with my circumstances, but never forgetting whose I am, for what I was created, and as the Shorter Catechism says about my purpose, I will "glorify God and enjoy Him forever."
