Monday, November 16, 2015

My weakness, His strength!

Day 4 on Keppra: Today was a moderately good day. I seem to have caught a slight cold, yet besides a good sneezing fit here and there, I feel well. I am still feeling a bit of brain fog, whether from the meds or the cold I know not, but I find that almost any amount of physical exertion causes me great fatigue.
I had one seizure thus far that lasted longer than most, and I could not speak for nearly 30 minutes. I was able to type (very slowly) after 15 minutes or so, it seems my fingers know what my brain wants to express even if I can't make my mouth work!


Today I walked for 15 minutes, then stood talking for 15, and could not make it from the back yard to the house without laying in the wet grass for a while, exhausted beyond belief. Later on, I walked with the kids for about 25-30 minutes and had to come inside where I collapsed into my chair and had the aforementioned seizure. I cannot adequately express how tired I feel from even this limited activity, but this has hit with or without seizures more and more the last few weeks. Sometimes, I wonder if it is safe to go for a simple walk, as at times it seems that is all the energy allotted to me for the whole day.
I don't like this new normal. I love to work, I love to run up and down the halls and outwork everyone around me. I enjoy hearing people at work tell me to slow down, that the place won't burn down if I slow down a little bit. I wish I had that kind of energy today, but for some reason, God has placed me in a slow and weak body today. His will and His ways are perfect, even when, ESPECIALLY when I don't understand why. It is in my weakness that His strength is manifest.
In spite of the frustration, surely this time is being used of the Lord to conform me into the image of Christ Jesus, my Lord and my Savior, the One who willingly took upon Himself a body of flesh, endured temptation and suffering, and ultimately tasted (and defeated) death to save sinners from the wrath of the Father. Whatever it takes, Lord. Whatever it takes! Not my will, but Thine be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven. Soli Deo Gloria!