When our son Joshua died in 2009, we had to make very fast paced decisions: would we want to hold him after his death, would we want pictures, should the other kids be brought in? Considering all was said and done around 11pm when they finally pronounced our son's death, we decided to let the kids sleep and we would be better to explain things to them in the morning. We did take a few pictures with a camera lent to us by hospital staff, however the pictures were somehow deleted and we never saw them. What we have is a few very grainy cell phone pictures of Sara and myself holding Joshua just after CPR was ceased. I had taken the ambulance to the hospital with Joshua, and Sara delivered the placenta and was then transferred. Everything was such a blur, and I wish we could have the night to do over again some times.
Something we don't regret that night is the time we had with Joshua alone, his lifeless body, though wrapped in a warm blanket and looking like maybe he was asleep, was betrayed by the tube coming out of his throat. Because of the emergency birth and death, an autopsy was mandated, and the tube could not be taken out. We walked and talked, we sang "It is well with my soul" with genuine peace even in the midst of the turmoil.
Life would never be the same, but we place our trust in God, who is faithful and true, the Author of life who holds us all in the palm of His hand.
We read an article tonight on the nature of miscarriage and stillbirth. Many children die each year, about 26,000 in our country, and around half are unable to be diagnosed with a cause. Sometimes illness or genetics can be blamed, but sometimes we just have to leave things in God's hands. I suggest this article for those who have endured the loss of a baby, or those who work with pregnant women. When your baby dies, your mind is clouded with emotions and pain, fear and anxiety, and for those who are there to help, I believe this article has some great insight. Be sure to read the whole article, as the final paragraph culminates the story well.
Read the article: A vast and sudden sadness
