We were talking yesterday about priorities, order of importance, and how to live how God would have us to live. For us husbands and fathers, the list is as follows:
1. God
2. Wife
3. Children/family
4. Work
5. Local church ministry
OK,so many may say that you need to put others first, and that is valid, but needs qualification. The issue is when we are focused on others, we sometimes put earthly things in front of God. Our lives need to be centered on God. His will, His work, and being what God tells us to be is the first thing that needs to be attended to. Only when we are where God wants us is the rest going to fall into place.
If we are where we should be with God, it should follow that we are being the husbands we should be. God has given me a wife. It is a ministry to God to be a good husband. The home is the proving ground for leaders in the church, and also the role a man spends the most time working on. We are married before we have kids (usually) and after our children are grown and out of the house, we will still be married for the rest of our lives. We serve God by serving our spouse, and that relationship is the basis of having a healthy family. If we are not being the husband we should be, maybe something lower on the list needs to have less precedence.
Children, a blessing from God, are the ministry of the husband and wife team. They are our responsibility to nurture, teach, train, and love. If the relationship with God is as it should be, and we have a Godly marriage, then it will allow us to work together to raise Godly children. When we show the example to our children of how to live, it will be much easier to use the time we have with our children properly. When we are too busy to have a marriage, the children suffer, and we are not going according to God's plans.
With our priorities on God, wife, and children in place, we can then get on to work. When we are in proper relationship to God, we don't have to worry about falling into temptation at work. With a good relationship with our spouse, we won't be looking where we shouldn't or being angry with our spouse, leaving things unsettled before we leave for work. How many marriages have work and money put first and the man has no time for God, wife, or children. Maybe he feels bad and puts children first. This still does not work, because marriage is God's work and blessing.
If we are angry with our spouse, we will not be able to love the children as we should. We may say things or do things opposed to our spouse in front of the children. A man who loves his children more than he loves his wife is teaching his children the wrong thing. According to the Bible, God puts man and woman together. When folks get married, they leave their parents and cling to each other.
The time of parenting is over when the children get married. Sure, you still have a relationship, but the dynamic changes. Most of the time, the married children do not live with you anymore. The son, now a husband, has his own family to take care of. That is his new place, leading his own family. Children grow best under the husband/wife relationship that is putting God first, spouse second, and children next.
So, you say, what about work? Well, if you don't work, you don't eat. That does not mean that we should spend all our spare time at work trying to make more money. There is never enough money. I know people who live on $12k a year and those that make 10 times that. Both would tell you they don't have enough to live on. Both have food, shelter, and clothing plus some. So, what does that tell us? I see that folks tend to spend what they earn or more on average. Only when you spend less than you earn do you come out all right. Save some for a rainy day, avoid debt, and you will not have to work nearly as much.
The problem comes when working and money become the focus of life. God gives us work, to earn and take care of our family. God did not ever command us to earn more so we can give more. In fact, the story of the widow's mite would make me thing more like those in poverty, relying on God, being good husbands and fathers, serving the Lord are those who have it right.
Ultimately, I cannot tell anyone what to do with their lives. What I can do is tell you that I have to examine myself often, as we all should, to see that God is in first place and that I am living up to the jobs God has given to me. 1 Corinthians 7:32-33 tell about the difference in priorities and the place of the married and unmarried.
When you are not married, you should be able to serve the Lord only, having nothing in the world to keep you from serving. A married man has to think about his wife and children also. God comes first, but the man must also take care of the family. Paul seems to be a bit indignant in 1 Cor. 9 when he speaks about those who took their families on in the work of the Lord, how they were taken care of, yet Paul and Barnabas were expected to work AND minister. As a body of believers, we should support those who have given their lives completely to God's work and see that they have no needs(note I did not say wants, dental plans, or retirement).
To conclude, I would say that again, I have no concrete answers, but to ask yourself the question that God would ask, "Choose you this day whom you will serve" are you serving Him or yourself? Are you serving God or money? You cannot do both. We must all make the choice.
